A year later...

Wow, it's really been over a year since my last post. Lots to catch up on. That really expensive IUI I discussed in the previous post, didn't work. But, many entertaining stories exist due to the experience. Like, the $50 vial of meds that were shot around my kitchen on accident...oops! Or, the crying I did when Chad had to give me a shot in my butt with the largest needle ever. Had I never seen it, I would have been just fine.

After the failure of that cycle, I did a lot of soul searching. We looked into adoption, but cost wise, it's not the road we can choose at this time. Plus, doing so still ignores the fact that there is something drastically wrong with me. I need to be fixed. Which leads to our current situation.

About 6 months ago, I was reading my monthly issue of The Catholic Times, the one and only issue I have ever read. And, I believe it was not an accident that I read it. In the paper, was an article about the Creighton Method of Family Planning (CrMs) and Natural Procreative Technology (NaPro Technology). This was a natural way to conceive, and if that didn't work, the doctor actually looks for what is wrong with the couple and fixes it! While to many, this seems like a natural thing for a doctor to do, in my experience, it's not. A fertility specialist is worried about their successful pregnancy rates, not fixing your problems. According to fertility specialists, the solution for most problems is IVF. However, this just overrides the fertility issue and forces a body, that isn't healthy enough for pregnancy to get and STAY pregnant. My RE (fertility doc) told me that IVF was my only option. Well, I am still broken, and now, my wallet is broke after spending 4 1/2 YEARS in his office. So, I gladly said goodbye to him and looked up a NaPro doc. There isn't a lot of information out there, so it was very hard to come by anything helpful. So, I just set the article aside and forgot about it.

Then, months later, I bought the book, The Secret. Something in it struck me. The entire book is about being positive and seeing what you want happening to you. In one chapter, it explained that just being positive and thinking positive thoughts isn't always enough, sometimes you need to work for what you want. Immediately, I thought about the Catholic Times article. Oddly, I had saved it for over 6 months.

I searched and finally found a doctor that I loved. Dr. Parker in Gahanna. He is amazing. Our first consultation was 1 1/2 hours of questions about my fertility history. Some of the questions I had been asked before, some I had no idea how they related to fertility. I explained that my ovaries hurt insanely, every month, waiting for him to respond with, "Some women have pain with ovulation, that's normal, " as other docs had in the past. However, he was extremely concerned for my level of pain and actually said that it wasn't normal. At that moment, I knew I was going down the right path. I could have cried.

His initial impression led him to believe that I have mild PCOS, thyroid issues and my endo may be back. Wow! He wanted to do surgery ASAP to fix me. OMG, loving him! I am scheduled for surgery next week and my pre-op is tomorrow. He will also do an ultrasound to see my ovaries and order blood work for my hormone levels.

So, that should just about catch everyone up on me. I promise not to go so long without writing again!

Back on the ttc road

We took a break after the last two failed IUI's. But, we've picked ourselves up, dusted off the failure dust and saved our money like people on a mission. I sure wish my insurance (and most other's for that matter) looked at infertility as a medical issue. Then, they'd cover the cost for all these procedures. I don't dare go back and add up what we've spent in the past. All I know is that this next IUI will drain our bank account! The meds were $700 alone. We'll have at least 2 (possibly more) ultrasounds to check the follies, (eggs and how many eggs will release), at $340 a piece and then the IUI at $316. Sounds like fun huh?! However, so long as the outcome is what we want, I would spend that many times over.

I'm trying not to worry about the fact that 1/5 women end up with twins, 1/10 triplets and 1/20 more that that...scary huh? The doc was a little leery of doing this IUI with these injectable meds because I have been pregnant twice in the past and I am still "young" in terms of fertility. He offered selective reduction if we end up with more than 2 implanting. I realize that he has to mention this, but Chad and I refused on the spot. See, with selective reduction, you wait until 10 week gestation and decide which babies to abort. Um, no thanks, have a slight problem with killing my own baby. I figure that what ever God gives us, he has a reason for it.

I'm allergic to Firewood...

Yes, I'm horrible at this blogging thing. I started it as an insight into infertility, but since we're on a little break for the time being, I'm didn't post. However, things are about to pick back up, so I'm off and running again!

But, on a non-fertility note...Ayden is hilarious. Seriously, I secretly know that he got it from me, but won't break Chad's heart with the news. Anywho, on Monday, in the car on the way to school, Ayden started coughing a lovely croupy cough. I said, "Oh Ayden, I think you're getting a cold." He replied, "No mom, I'm just allergic to firewood." Huh? I'm sure this has been the source of many family members laughs this past week as it has been one of mine!

It's been awhile!

Well, I'm back. It's been quite awhile since I've posted. Life has been busy and I've been trying to obsess WAY less about ttc. Rather, I've filled my time enjoying my son. It has been wonderful. I don't really know how I would have made it this far in my ttc journey without him.

That being said, we are on to another ttc adventure. We are planning on doing another IUI, but rather than using the dreaded Clomid again, we'll be using some injectables. They are way more potent and create better quality eggs. They can also create higher order multiples, but I am willing to take on whatever God has in store for us.

I plan on keeping this updated as we tread through this unchartered territory. I'm not sure what to expect. I know there will be daily shots and tons of ultrasounds. I'll assume, like with all other fertility things we've tried, there will be an emotional roller coaster thrown in there, too. But, I feel like I'm much better prepared for what to expect this IUI. Perhaps, it's because I've been through it a couple of times before and know not to get my hopes up. Whatever the outcome over the next couple of months, I know it will be another chance for me to learn more about myself and my capabilities to cope with a lot more than I ever thought possible.

Ayden's first week at school...

This was Ayden's first week at preschool. So, I've been busy getting him to school, picking him up and hanging out with him before he heads to bed. Then, I just crash from being incredibly tired. Seriously, I'm pooped. Between being back at work and playing with my little man, I've run out of energy to do anything for myself, including post on here. So, while ttc is on hold for this month, I'll just try to post once a week.

We decided that ttc could be on hold for this month. I took the Clomid, but my u/s was going to be really early because of the weekend and I really couldn't miss 2 days this early in the school year. Next month, I'll need the break from the kids, but I need to be at work now. It's actually nice to have something to get my mind off of ttc. Funny though, people actually think that Clomid alone will work. I've had 3 people now tell me, well maybe this will be all you need...um no. Seriously people. I've tried Clomid alone 7 times and it's never led to anything resembling a pregnancy. Just when I am keeping my hopes down, people try to get them up. I just want one month of not talking about ttc. So, this is the month for that. Next month, IUI here I come. For now, no ttc talk. So, my blog will not refer to ttc for 2 1/2 weeks when AF comes again.

cd 1...again!

I am officially starting my 48 cycle of ttc. How lovely. I really thought I'd wallow in my sorrow for much longer, and planned on using it for all it was worth. Unfortunately, my plan failed. For some unknown reason, I woke up on cd1 in a good mood. I stayed with me throughout the day. WTH?

I will definitely not be as optimistic as I was before I started the IUI process. Besides writing about it here, I probably won't talk about it much. The whole hope thing is a pisser. I mean, without it, I probably wouldn't still be trying after 47 cycles. But, with it, I've been upset 47 times. I just have to remember that every cycle that doesn't result in a pregnancy is just one more closer to my BFP. (There goes that damn' hope thing again.)

To keep my mind off of things, I decided to go back to work...okay, summer's done and I was forced to go back. Otherwise, the rugrats would be running around my room without supervision and that's a big no-no! It was my second day back today and things went really well. So far, the kids are great. Of course, like I said, it was the second day. I'm sure their true colors will start to come out soon. Luckily, we only have 70 kids this year. We had over 100 last year and that resulted in HUGE class sizes. It definitely has made my room cooler and less smelly after gym class. Don't get me wrong, they still stink, but it's only 16 bodies smelling like sweaty teenager funk as opposed to 30. Trust me, it makes an enormous difference!

The normal teacher bitch fest has begun, as well. Seriously, if they hate their freaking job so much, find another. I usually stay out of these. These teachers seem so worn out and tired, so I figure they spend too much time bitching and not enough time doing their jobs. It would make me tired too. Don't get me wrong. I do my share of complaining. It's just not about my students. I like them, most of the time.

Maybe the reason I was in a good mood this morning is that I was actually going to a job that I enjoy. I mean, who wouldn't love to hang out with smelly, hormonal teenagers all day?!

First Day of the New School Year

Today was our work day and it really helped me get my mind off of ttc and onto other issues, finally! This year should be really wonderful. We have a total of 73 7th graders. This is VERY low compared to last year with 115 students. My largest class is 23 and the others all number in the teens. I am really looking forward to making some huge gains with my state test scores. With numbers like this, it will be so easy to keep the kids on task. Okay, keeping a 7th grader on task is a relatively difficult job, but with small classes, it will be much easier.

Our day started with mundane meetings and a wonderful catered breakfast. It was at this breakfast that an assistant principal (who I used to work under) asked me about my "baby". I told her that he was 4 and getting ready to start preschool. She couldn't believe that he was 4 already; neither can I most days. Then, the inevitable question, "Isn't it time you started on another?" My actual reply was much kinder than the ones in my head. Then, I realized that it was just conversation and she didn't really mean anything by it. I looked at my co-worker, who happens to be 9 months pregnant, and told her that I was gonna buy a shirt that reads, "I'm trying, quit asking." Seriously, if I had a penny for every time I was asked this question...

So, it's a fresh start. I think I learned a lot from this past cycle. One, never trust psychics. (Long story, I'll just leave it at that!) Two, even the most perfect cycle will not necessarily result in a baby. Three, I will never do IVF. Seriously, we spent around $1000 for the IUI and that really pissed my wallet off when it failed. Imagine spending $10,000 and having that fail too. I think not. Four, Chad was just as disappointed this month as I was, finally. Lastly, there's always another cycle. Unless I hit menopause, then, I'm SOL. We'll just assume that won't be an issue. But, you know what they say about assuming...