Praying for the right thing...

I am a member of an Internet chat group that I'll call, FC for short. It is full of women who are ttc. Some have already found success and have babies. Others are still trying, some longer than me. It is a place where I found some of my dearest friends, and I've never even met these women. I found this group in January of 2006 when I was thinking of starting acupuncture. I found other women on the site who were contemplating the same thing. We all went through acupuncture 'together', none of us succeeding, but all of us finding a deep bond and friendship. It was at this same site where I found most of my support after my m/c. These women knew the right things to say, and when to stop and just listen. Even under unfortunate circumstances, I have found women, who have also m/c'ed and we are great friends. They don't question me when I find myself, 7 months after my m/c, crying and upset. They get it.

So, as I was looking around the site this evening, I came upon a post from another member that really struck a chord with me and is the answer that I've been looking for. This woman had a horrible time getting pregnant, staying pregnant and having her baby 11 weeks early. She gave a talk at her church about her journey to parenthood. She decided to post her speech for the women on the site, that we may find it encouraging and entertaining. The one thing that stood out is when she spoke about a time when she was talking with her mom about how she was praying for a baby and to be pregnant, but it just wasn't happening. Her mom told her that maybe, she was praying for the wrong thing.

So, I thought about this for awhile. Everyday for the past 3 1/2 years, I've prayed to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. My prayers became much louder after my m/c. I thought, maybe He couldn't hear me. So, before bed, my husband, my son and I all say, The Lord's Prayer and then ask God to bless our family with a baby.

I've noticed, in my 28 years on this planet, that I am NOT a patient person by any means. I have said all along that my lesson in all of this has been to become more patient. But, it hasn't happened yet. I am still stressed out each and every month. Even this week, I find myself stressed and impatient. Besides the Clomid, there isn't another reason for my stress and impatience. As I thought about my mood and the post from the woman at FC, I realized that I need to pray for patience and calmness. I guess my lesson should be that when the time is right, it really will happen. When you ask, and believe, you will receive. I think I need to trust my faith and really believe that it will happen. So, that is my new prayer, patience, calmness and to believe that God will bless me with a child, when the time is right.